Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Dealing with Disappointment

So, I figured it had been awhile since I've chimed in here. I check in every day, just to see if anybody had commented (and, of course, to see if my wife has graced us with her writing once more . . . one of the things that is going to suck with the beginning of the school year is that she won't be home during the day anymore). We try to keep things honest here - which means, lately, that the bad news posts have outnumbered the good . . . although we're still leading toward one great big good news post, so it is best to take it all in stride.

And that's the thing - keeping it all in stride. There have been three distinct moments in the past month and a half that I thought that parenthood was, literally, right around the corner. That is three times when we know that somebody took a look through a book, saw our profile, and had to give (at least some) consideration to whether or not we would make good parents for her biological child. In each of those cases, the biological mother took on the role of mother. Yeah, it's a letdown when this has happened . . . but it's not all that bad to take. I mean, I cannot even fathom what it must take in order to put a child that you've been carrying around for nine months into somebody else's hands. I just can't.

One of the tremendous fears that I have about adopting is that the biological mother would doubt this decision. We know that there is always, always, always going to be a "what if" - but I fear being resented. If a birthmother can honestly tell herself that she thinks the best situation for the baby is if she parents it, well, I don't think I want to be daddy to that baby, and I wish that birthmother the best.

Part of what is frustrating is that we don't know how often our profile is being seen. Have these three situations been it? Or, are we getting looked at every other day, but something says "no" to those looking? The only way I can take this is that all of this frustration (and, while I try to keep a calm demeanor through all of this, it's not always easy) is going to be worth it in the end. That is certain.

So, I guess just keep on checking in . . . we will post when we can - and, of course, we always appreciate the good wishes - and I'm sure you'll all hear the whoop of joy when our phoenix baby is turned from a mythical creature to reality.


Barbara Batzer said...

All in God's timing. He is selecting the child that needs you the most. Love, Me. I love the nursery.

Donna O. said...

The nursery looks great, good job. I know how your disappointment feels, but it will all be washed away when the miracle happens. Hang in there, it's worth the wait. Love ya lots.