Sunday, December 28, 2008

Other Family Events

So yesterday was our fifth anniversary. The oddity known as time skews many things. In some ways, I feel like the wedding was just yesterday, in others, I feel like I have been married to John my entire life (In a good way, I swear!)
I will admit that part of me was a little afraid that I would be more depressed than joyful this anniversary. After all, never in my life did I ever think I would get to five years of marriage and not have celebrated a Mother's Day or two as well.
I underestimated myself and my husband. We had the most perfect anniversary, and never once was I gloomy. Any talk of a baby of hopeful and optimistic and brief. We really made the day all about us.
The big event of the day was dinner at Morimoto's in Philly. For the uninitiated, Morimoto is one of the Iron Chefs. The dinner was perfect. We chose to do the chef's sampler of six courses, mostly sushi, along with a paired adult beverage. If you would like to see pics, I have them up on my facebook, and will try and get them somewhere else soon for the three of you who are not on facebook.
I hope everyone has a great New Year, and that it brings all of us everything we need.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

The Truth of the Matter

Just because we have settled on transracial adoption does not mean I do not worry that we will be able to handle the racial issues that will come up in our and our child's lives. Often the true conversations about race we should be having in this country are pushed under the rug because they are uncomfortable. Often they should be about class and poverty because like it or not the racial divide is deeply integrated into the economic structure our country has built.
I can go from panic to bravery as part of the Waiting for a Black Child. I found that this article/blog entry states a lot of the concerns I have while also making me feel that is a challenge I want to face. It highlights the new transracial culture that we as a country are trying so hard to ignore and can no longer if we want to move forward. I also disagree with things in it. I think that using the blanket statement "black culture" is in itself racist. It makes all blacks other by lumping them into one great big group. Obama's election is not the end of racism, but I hope it is the opening to conversations we have not been willing to have before.

I choose to be the uncomfortable one. I remember when I lived in Maryland and rode the metro on a daily basis that I could often look around a crowded car and realize that I was in the minority. That is one of the things that I miss about DC. I miss the cultural diversity. I miss the fact that in my apartment building black, Asian, Middle Eastern, Asian, Hispanic, were all represented. I worry that I will be bringing a black child to a white neighborhood. I am glad I am bringing a black child to a diverse school. I am glad I am bringing a black child to a city with a large black community. I wish that community were more integrated with the city as a whole. I hope to be part of making that happen. I worry that in that hope I will be setting my child up for a larger social role that a small one should shoulder. I must make myself the uncomfortable one to make my child the strong independent and open-minded person who will not be afraid of all of his or her heritages and will stand and will want to stand among those who can have the necessary conversations to make us the most self aware and proud diverse nation in the world.
I worry that this blog entry makes me sound like a blow-hard white privileged woman. I am still glad I had the courage to put it out there.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008


So we have reached a small anniversary. We have to renew our criminal background checks along with our we-don't-touch-children-inappropriately checks. Criminal checks are easy. Type in your SSN and credit card number and you are proved conviction free in less than 60 seconds. Cut, paste, attach and the agency is all updated. The Childline clearance is more of a pain. First they want to know every address you have lived at since 1975 and with whom you have lived. Keep in mind this will be at least the fourth time I have done this and at least the second for John meaning, they have all of the old stuff on file somewhere. Why can't they just ask for updates? Then to pay the $10 fee, you need a money order. A money order! It's the dark ages, people. I will go crank up the car to go to the bank.
The last thing the agency needs is updated medical forms. Yay, time to go be told to lose weight. Really? I am shocked, doc. Thanks for the heads up.
Anyway, to the subject matter of the title of this post. I mailed off our registration for ZOE for Life yesterday. If you are too lazy to click the link (I kid! Don't flame me.), this is an Orthodox organization that helps pregnant women in crisis. They keep a registry of Orthodox couples looking to adopted in case any of the women choose that path. They are not an agency, but more like a dating service. They would match us, then we are responsible along with the birthparent(s) for making the legal arrangements. This can still be done through AFTH.
For some reason I have a good feeling about this. Somehow it seems the right thing to do. It's probably nothing more feeling like I am at least doing something, but it gives me a little more hope.