Friday, August 14, 2009

What Happened This Time

Ok - this probably isn't the best venue for this, but I don't know any way around it . . . too many questions (of which I have the answer to about 2 of them).

Basically, it appears that the birthmother who chose us two months ago gave birth on July 12th, and then proceeded to lie to the adoption agency for a month. We were getting regular updates

  • On July 17 (5 days after the birth), we were told that the birthmother was going off of the drugs to keep her from going into premature labor.
  • While on vacation, we received notice that there was lots of movement, but no signs of labor yet.
  • On August 7, we were told that they would be inducing labor on August 13.
  • On August 12, we were told that the inducing was being rescheduled to August 15 and that the birthmother wanted us there at 6AM.
  • Today, we found out that all of this was a lie.

As I said in my status, I'm numb - utterly numb. I've lost some faith in humanity (or, at least, human decency). I've lost a LOT of faith in the adoption process (sure, this happened to us before -- but at least we knew everything in real-time).

In the past month, I've canceled a vacation. Duffy skipped her brother's graduation. We've kept from making plans, just in case the call came -- all of this we did willingly & happily -- the pay off was going to be worth it. Now, we find out that there was a month that we could have been "in the book".

I have no animosity for any birthmother who changes her mind -- but to change your mind and lie about that fact, and to build on top of that lie. As I said, I'm numb.


Donna O. said...

Oh my goodness, I just can't believe it, or yes, I do believe it. I have lost faith in people too, this was a very cold hearted act on the birth mother. I am so so sorry you both are going through these tough tough times, I don't even know what else to say to you guys. Sometimes life sucks.

The Benners (mostly Nikki) said...

I don't understand how the social workers didn't know. I would have thought that the birth mother would have regular appointments with the agency, and a delivered child would be kind of obvious... I don't understand how the birth mother could have kept the lie going.

Duffy, after Jack is weaned, if you want to consider surrogacy, I'll volunteer to carry your baby. No joke - I'm serious. I don't know if you've considered that option, and even if you had if you'd want your surrogate to be so geographically far... but I want you to be a mom so badly.

Any baby would be lucky to have you as their parents, as you would be equally lucky to have that baby as your child. If there is anything I can do to help make that happen, you know I will.

Duffy Batzer said...

We have several friends who have offered to be surrogates. We appreciate the amazing offer. If we were to try for a biological child, I would go through fertility treatments before trying surrogacy. There is no evidence that I can not carry a child. I just can seem to conceive one. We chose adoption for many reason, and those reason are not the same reasons people have for surrogacy. And at this point, adoption is still the quickest option. Thanks though. The sentiment means a lot.