Saturday, July 19, 2008
Not surprising to anyone I am sure, my internal voice is rather obsessed with adoption. And oddly, the stories it likes to make up are more about the birthmother than the baby. I guess because she will be the first solid breathing person who will be involved in this process. My brain (I say this, because I truly do not seem to have control over it.) makes up backgrounds for the birthparents, mostly mom, and their situations and what about them would make them choose us. Here's my favorite. Please remember, I have no control.
The mom is a Greek exchange student who hooks up with another black student and gets pregnant. Of course she can't go home to her really strict Greek Orthodox parents with the baby, so her very understanding and somewhat guilty host family helps her find Adoptions From the Heart. And of course, here is the perfect couple! They want a black baby, and they are Greek. They will raise the baby Orthodox. She has to look no further!
See, no control over my own mind.
Seriously though, I do think there is more to the obsession with the birthmoms. For us to have the family we want and experience the joyous and insane phenomenon of parenthood, someone else or several someone elses have to be sad. Sad is a more profound word that it is given credit for. Ultimately, our happiness has to come from someone else making a major sacrifice. It doesn't mean that they are making the wrong decision, but no matter what it is not an easy decision. "Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right." -Albus Dumbledore. No matter what else they have done in their lives to this point or what they will do after, at this moment they love that baby enough to know that they are not what is best for their own child. That has got to be a very hard thing to face. They say that birthparents go through the grieving process, and I can understand why.
I guess this is why I am so in favor of open adoption because love like that deserves acknowledgment. I believe that a child who grows up with an understanding of his or her birthparents will be better adjusted and feel more accepted especially if the birth family members involved share a race with the child that we will not.
It might not work out that way, but remember, I have no control over my own brain.
And I promise more light heart posts as soon as the nursery is done. The puppies are too cute for words.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
While those last two situations didn't pan out for us, we're not all that upset. The ups & downs are certainly there -- but we've reached a Zen-like phase -- when having a baby is right for us, it will happen. We are certain about this, so it's just difficult being patient sometimes.
On the house front, we have exciting news:
- In the nursery, Kim has started putting colors into the puppies -- as soon as that is all done, we'll have pictures of the end product up here
- The fence has been installed. For those of you who haven't been to the house, we have a pond in walking/tumbling distance from the back porch. This isn't a good thing with a toddler -- so, we have had a fence put in (as an added bonus, the dogs now can be let outside without having to put them on leashes)
- Duffy has removed all of the carpet from the stairs and painted the wood underneath (it looks much, much better).
- Jake has started sizing up how we're going to get the banister put up.
Other than that -- sill a waiting game.
Monday, July 14, 2008
So we are back to waiting with the complete unknown, and we are OK with that. The level of disappointment was rather minimal. I am not one to believe in fate or predestination, but we will get our baby when it is the right time, place, and situation.
Keep checking for more updates!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
So, today, Duffy & I stepped on each other's posts . . . I truly recommend that you read through EVERYTHING, just in case something was missed, as today was a somewhat busy day.
Still, though, we're figuring out how best to post to this damn thing -- our apologies that things go between lots & lots of posts to weeks of barely any posts.
There is something in the water in Delaware. Here is another situation in which we may be considered. A mother had a little girl yesterday. There are two potential fathers. One has washed his hands of the situation and gone back to his wife in California. The other man would like the parent the little girl if he is the father. They did a DNA swab, and the results will be available about the same time the baby would go home from the hospital.
OK, never in my life did I ever think I would be cheering for the deadbeat adulterer. I really admire the guy who will take responsibility for his actions. And I really kind of hate him too. And all any of this means is that another mother will be looking at us among the many.
I have to say this is a development I did not anticipate. I don't know if John did. I imagine he will chime in. I was ready for the waiting. And some more waiting. Followed, for a change of pace, by waiting. I was not ready for this knowing exactly what I was waiting on. This is almost torture. I won't go as far as to say exactly torture as eventually things will go my way. I just hope I am sane, and my spirit isn't broken by then.
Also, no word on round #1 yet. They haven't come into the office to view the profiles yet.
Just got a call from the Mrs. Apparently there is another "situation" in Delaware. A mother just gave birth to a healthy baby girl. However, there are two possible fathers. One potential birthfather is already married and moving to California and wants absolutely nothing to do with this child. One potential birthfatheris a local boy who would like to be the actual father to this child.
A DNA test has been ordered.
Should birthfather #1 be the actual birthfather, the child will NOT be raised by the birthmother and/or birthfather #2 (and will hence have an adoption plan created for her). Should birthfather #2 prove to be the actual birthfather, the child will NOT have an adoption plan created for her.
The DNA test will take a few days to tell us. At this point, we have a 50/50 shot of being considered (at which point we have a one in (unknown) shot of actually getting picked).
I know a lot of you read this blog regularly and are hoping for news - so we're going to try to get better about posting each & every little thing. But it's nerve wracking to have this level of uncertainty.
Thanks, always, for the continued good wishes.
So that silly little DVD we made is complete. Duffy's seen it, but I have yet to watch. In any case, after a little gig at YTI tonight, I'm going to get home, rip it to DIVX, and then post it to this here blog. Be prepared to watch two of the most nervous people in the world try to sell themselves to an unknown audience.
On the topic of watching things, though -- the night that Duffy called me in the UK about the situation that we were looking to possibly present ourselves for (and, as of this writing, we have not heard anything -- in this case, "no news" is simply "no news". It may be that the birthparents have picked another couple to parent their child, or it may mean that the birthparents have not yet decided. The only way we'd know something definitive is if we were chosen, and you'd hear Duffy's yell of excitement before anybody got a chance to put in a blog entry), I got back from the Old Bear, turned on the TV, changed the station to the BBC, and proceeded to watch a documentary on Treacher Collins Syndrome. This specific show followed a girl who has lived with the syndrome all of her life, and now that she's in her 20's (and fully grown), they were placing synthetic bones in her face. Then, last night, on the Discovery Channel, there was a story about a family with a 2 year old with a quite severe case of Treacher Collins, and what they're going through currently. Not sure if this is a sign or anything, but I've learned something new, and that's never a bad thing.
On a completely unrelated "watch" topic, though -- everybody should see Wall-E. We went last night, and it was very, very cute.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Our profile will be shown, among others, on Monday to a couple wishing to make an adoption plan for their baby. It is our first shot in the adoption lottery.
There are some issues of concern. The mother has a condition called Treacher Collins Syndrome, a craniofacial deformity, and the father is deaf. TCS is a genetic condition, so the baby has a 50/50 shot of having it as well. The couple has a one-year-old that does not have it nor is deaf. I do not know the situation with the one-year-old, but a myth of adoption is that babies are only given up by young, single women. A lot more birthparents, even as a couple, are already raising other children than most people think.
There is never going to be a perfect situation, and John and I agreed at the outset that we would have any child with naturally occurring conditions. I could give birth to a deaf child or one with TCS. Granted our baby's chances would be much less, but it is still a possibility. And this baby, if it does end up having the condition, will need a good home with lots of attention, and people who can get it the proper medical care if that is necessary. That's us.
Everyone pray, send positive thoughts, but no one get too excited. This couple will be shown several to many different profiles. We are just faces in a crowd.
Either way, we will know something next week, and I will keep everyone posted.
Oh, and the baby is due next Friday. Mavel Tov!