Wednesday, September 26, 2007

If you are going to clog your arteries, do it at Wendy's

Because Dave Thomas' adoption foundation is a pretty good thing.
So last night we had an informational meeting at Adoption From the Heart. It is a smaller agency, only licensed from NY to VA. They have an office in Harrisburg which is a huge bonus. The other agencies I have talked to were much bigger, and it felt more like a sales call. Last night was much more personable, an informal question & answer. Stephanie, the social worker who led the meeting, was very open and honest.
In my tag line I said we were following the ups and downs of our adoption journey. If someone had a heart monitor on me during this meeting the ups and downs would have been literal. One statement would thrill me, the feel of a baby in my arms almost tangible, while the next would could have me gagging on my own aorta. For instance, there was the couple who went into the profile books and had a birthmom the next day. The mother who attended the meeting waited two years and four months. Many of the adoptions happen after a mother actually gives birth and faced with an actually baby, calls the agency. That means you get a call and have to be wherever the birthmom is ASAP. You will be parents less than 24 hours after finding out the child exists. However, a Pennsylvania mother has 30 days to change her mind. This happens in 3% to 5% of cases. So you kinda hope that a mom in NJ picks you where she's only got 72 hours.
So the next step is to fill out the application. Once that is done, we have to attend some classes and have a home study which includes all the same background checks I had to get for my teaching certification. Then we put together a letter, pictures, and a DVD. Mothers who come to the agency look through the profile book, watch DVDs and choose adoptive parents.
It feels good to be moving forward in some way. Through the years I have had many different ideas of where my life would go. The one constant has always been that I would be a mom, and I would be a mom first and foremost. No career or dream of writing a novel has ever been as important to me as being a mom who puts the kids on the bus and is home for them when they get off of it. John and I made the decision almost three years ago that it was time for this phase of our life to begin. And three years later we are still waiting.
I enjoy teaching. I feel fulfilled by the work I do. Even though grad school is killing me, it is something that I feel passionate about. Yet, on some level it feels like a filler life, like I am treading water until my real life of play dates, bath times, bedtime stories, sleepless nights, croup, and toys down the toilet begins. It has been very scary the last three years, as that life seemed to keep slipping farther and farther into the future.
Currently, the absolute most important role in my life is as a wife, daughter, sister, and puppy mom. My life with John is more fulfilling than I ever thought possible before I met him. He has been nothing but completely supportive during every frustration that has come with trying to get pregnant.
Now I feel like our dream of being parents is much more solid. The role of my lifetime is not so fuzzy anymore. I can see it fitting in with the other important things in my life much more clearly. It might be years, it might be months, but it will be.

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