Thoughts I Ponder When I Can Not Sleep

For a variety of reasons, I haven't been sleeping all that well this summer. It's OK. I'm working on it. But anyone who has had this trouble, presumably everyone, knows that sometimes your brain will just not shut up. Your internal voice will annoy you for hours with infinite combinations of information from the inane to the profound, from the funny to the panic inducing.
Not surprising to anyone I am sure, my internal voice is rather obsessed with adoption. And oddly, the stories it likes to make up are more about the birthmother than the baby. I guess because she will be the first solid breathing person who will be involved in this process. My brain (I say this, because I truly do not seem to have control over it.) makes up backgrounds for the birthparents, mostly mom, and their situations and what about them would make them choose us. Here's my favorite. Please remember, I have no control.
The mom is a Greek exchange student who hooks up with another black student and gets pregnant. Of course she can't go home to her really strict Greek Orthodox parents with the baby, so her very understanding and somewhat guilty host family helps her find Adoptions From the Heart. And of course, here is the perfect couple! They want a black baby, and they are Greek. They will raise the baby Orthodox. She has to look no further!
See, no control over my own mind.
Seriously though, I do think there is more to the obsession with the birthmoms. For us to have the family we want and experience the joyous and insane phenomenon of parenthood, someone else or several someone elses have to be sad. Sad is a more profound word that it is given credit for. Ultimately, our happiness has to come from someone else making a major sacrifice. It doesn't mean that they are making the wrong decision, but no matter what it is not an easy decision. "Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right." -Albus Dumbledore. No matter what else they have done in their lives to this point or what they will do after, at this moment they love that baby enough to know that they are not what is best for their own child. That has got to be a very hard thing to face. They say that birthparents go through the grieving process, and I can understand why.
I guess this is why I am so in favor of open adoption because love like that deserves acknowledgment. I believe that a child who grows up with an understanding of his or her birthparents will be better adjusted and feel more accepted especially if the birth family members involved share a race with the child that we will not.
It might not work out that way, but remember, I have no control over my own brain.
And I promise more light heart posts as soon as the nursery is done. The puppies are too cute for words.

House Updates

While those last two situations didn't pan out for us, we're not all that upset. The ups & downs are certainly there -- but we've reached a Zen-like phase -- when having a baby is right for us, it will happen. We are certain about this, so it's just difficult being patient sometimes.

On the house front, we have exciting news:

1. In the nursery, Kim has started putting colors into the puppies -- as soon as that is all done, we'll have pictures of the end product up here
2. The fence has been installed. For those of you who haven't been to the house, we have a pond in walking/tumbling distance from the back porch. This isn't a good thing with a toddler -- so, we have had a fence put in (as an added bonus, the dogs now can be let outside without having to put them on leashes)
3. Duffy has removed all of the carpet from the stairs and painted the wood underneath (it looks much, much better).
4. Jake has started sizing up how we're going to get the banister put up.

Other than that -- sill a waiting game.

Known For Sure

In both cases in Round #1 the mother's families decided to parent the baby. It's a good thing. We wish them all the best.
So we are back to waiting with the complete unknown, and we are OK with that. The level of disappointment was rather minimal. I am not one to believe in fate or predestination, but we will get our baby when it is the right time, place, and situation.
Keep checking for more updates!

Nothing Yet

Hello everyone, I just wanted to let you know that we haven't heard anything one way or the other about either situation, so at this point I think neither is going to be the baby for us. Our SW did promise to call either way, but at this point I think no news is exactly that... no news. This time. We are starting to get use to this unforeseen potential life altering event following us around like a pet tornado.

Post Coordination

So, today, Duffy & I stepped on each other's posts . . . I truly recommend that you read through EVERYTHING, just in case something was missed, as today was a somewhat busy day.

Still, though, we're figuring out how best to post to this damn thing -- our apologies that things go between lots & lots of posts to weeks of barely any posts.

The Profile Video

So, here it is -- try not to laugh:

Round #2 - Or is it all round one when there are many things goind on at once?

Again in the interest of full disclosure.....

There is something in the water in Delaware. Here is another situation in which we may be considered. A mother had a little girl yesterday. There are two potential fathers. One has washed his hands of the situation and gone back to his wife in California. The other man would like the parent the little girl if he is the father. They did a DNA swab, and the results will be available about the same time the baby would go home from the hospital.
OK, never in my life did I ever think I would be cheering for the deadbeat adulterer. I really admire the guy who will take responsibility for his actions. And I really kind of hate him too. And all any of this means is that another mother will be looking at us among the many.
I have to say this is a development I did not anticipate. I don't know if John did. I imagine he will chime in. I was ready for the waiting. And some more waiting. Followed, for a change of pace, by waiting. I was not ready for this knowing exactly what I was waiting on. This is almost torture. I won't go as far as to say exactly torture as eventually things will go my way. I just hope I am sane, and my spirit isn't broken by then.
Also, no word on round #1 yet. They haven't come into the office to view the profiles yet.