Pet Peeve

Here's a pet peeve of mine. Upon hearing the story of my children's births, inevitably there is someone who will say, "See all you had to do was relax to get pregnant." Um, no. First, saying that when I couldn't conceive was utterly non-helpful. Saying it now is just silly and makes you sound like you think you're omnipotent. Second, that time in my life was more stressful than any other I can remember. We'd gone through two failed matches, one of which involved an elaborate lie that kept us on the hook for over a month, and CJ's due date was changed from September to November. His birthmother had issues of her own so contact was spotty at best. We were tied in emotional knots, trying to be excited but so scared of being let down again. And somehow in the midst of all this, one lone sperm found an egg and decided to stay long term paying no attention to John's or my emotional states.
So, please, consider this a PSA. When you run into someone with a similar story, don't bluster. Just be pleased for them, thank God or Fate or The Flying Spaghetti Monster or Chaos, and tell them both kids are adorable. Don't analyze or guess or in any way try to figure out why it happened just glory in the fact that it did.
Thank you for your time.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Innocent Questions without Innocent Answers

At this moment I am trying to think of a time I have gone out in public, mostly shopping, and I haven't been asked about the kids' age difference. I can't think of one single time, and it even goes back to when I was pregnant. I can always see the question in the person's eyes before they even ask. And really, I have no problem explaining our situation, and I haven't gotten any inappropriate responses... yet. (This would include: Do you love them the same? How much did he cost? Why did his mother give him up? Etc.) I do get a lot of stories about other people who had the same thing happen.
My favorite scenarios is the person who pauses for a moment, squints, then tentatively asks, "Are they twins?" Sometimes, I am just tempted to say, "Yes." It's easier. I don't mind explaining myself, but sometimes, I just don't want to tell our family story to everyone.
And I worry about it when the kids get older. They are going to be asked about this a lot. Should they have to explain their story to curious people all the time? And what if they do encounter someone who asks one of those inappropriate follow up questions? Both John and I have read a lot about helping kids deal with these situation, and I think we can give them a good arsonal of replies. Still though, it sucks that they need to have them.
I am a little tempted to just tell them to lie and say they are twins.

FINALLY Finalization

Ahem, the finalization paperwork came on Saturday August 21st. The hoops have all been jumped through. The legal system now acknowledges what we have known since he was placed in our arms. He is all ours.

Everything, I mean, everything, was worth it. If you are someone who is reading this and waiting for your child, I mean it. EVERYTHING.

TPR!

That would be Termination of Parental Rights which happened last week. This is a big step. It pretty much means that while we are still not technically the legal guardians (AFTH is.), the birth parents have agreed (whether voluntarily or through no contact) to end all their legal rights as parents. Note: Legal Rights. CJ's mom will still have rights as the woman who gave birth to him and bravely decided to make us a family. That's our decision, not that of a government office.
Anyway, finalization will be in May. Delaware does not require our presence at finalization. At this point we are leaning towards not going as I am not sure how comfortable the car ride will be for my eight month pregnant self.
Oh, yeah, to those who read this blog outside of our sphere, we're having a baby. The kids will be seven months apart. Tee hee?

Breath Deeply

Yesterday was the birth mother's last chance to change her mind. We were pretty confident that she wouldn't, but still, there's a sigh of relief. The paperwork will take a while, but he is pretty much ours for good. Or until he's 18! Thanks, everyone, for all of your support. I can't imagine how we would have don't it without everyone pulling for us.

Blog Semi Retirement

Well, barring any complications, and I think we are due for no more complications, don't you, we are nearing the end of the beginning of our adoption process. Now that the baby is here, while we still want to discuss adoption, we want to focus more on being a family. Thus this blog will go into semi-retirement, only to be used when we have thoughts on adoption in a more general way, not our specific family way. Our family blog is Seriously, We're Parents?! This one is by permission only, but you will pretty much be admitted, I promise! See you all there!

He's Here!

The cliches are endless . . . "we've been waiting so long", "third time's the charm", "what a long, strange trip it's been". However you want to say it, that moment is here.

Our little boy -- our son -- he's with us. My writing skills are nowhere near great enough to actually portray just how happy it makes me to be able to write those words. Just know that there have been tears of happiness, smiles abound.

So, how'd we get here -- we got the call on Wednesday morning that labor may be imminent -- then, a little while later, that labor was, in fact, imminent. Duffy called me, and I ran home from work -- got home, loaded the truck, and away we went.

It's about a 4 hour drive from Carlisle to Lewes, mostly on country roads -- and it seemed every large load tractor trailer (or, in fact, every tractor) was on the road, just to make sure that it kept us on the road longer.

We got here just after 5PM (Coltrane joined us at 2:25PM), met with the birthmom who immediately said "there's your mom & dad!" I actually got the honor of feeding him his first bottle. Soon after eating, the doctor came in for a preliminary check -- heart & chest sounds were all strong & healthy. After a little while in the room with the birthmom who was a bit uncomfortable after the c-section, we were given a private room, where we hung out with the little guy for the rest of the night (we may have had the world series on at the time).

Leaving the little guy at about 9PM, we went to find a hotel to check into (Duffy had a whole week planned out, starting November 9, and of course we had to throw those plans out the window), found a Friendly's to eat a late dinner, and let the Facebook/Twitter/Text messages of congratulations pour in. After getting back to the hotel room, we fell asleep to the Yankees winning the world series (Duffy's favorite player, Hideki Matsui winning the MVP).

This morning we got up, got ready, had some breaksfast, and have spent the day at the hospital -- there's still a little while before he'll be discharged, but we've been with him all morning, and should be with him well into the night tonight. Half of the adoption paperwork has been filled out, and we'll complete the other half tomorrow.

Once all of that is done, it becomes a waiting game while the Delaware & Pennsylvania social services get everything straightened away so that we can take him home with us - but that will likely be done early next week.

Coltrane James Batzer's Statistics

Birthday	4-November-2009
Birth Time	2:25 PM
Weight	7 pounds, 11 ounces
Length	19 inches

So, now we wait - and normally waiting is not what I'm the best at -- but, well, I kind of like sitting around with not a whole lot to do with this little fella. :-) -- I do find, however, that I need to learn the words of my favorite lullabies.