Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Gearing Up (but a bit reserved this time)

We've been selected again.

These are more difficult words to type than one would think . . . while we're beyond excited, and everything is right around the corner for us - we're quite reserved in our elation. The first we had a "disappointment", we kind of saw it coming. We had no anger or resentment or anything of the sort. There was a birthmom who thought we were pretty cool, and if she couldn't parent her child, she would pass it to us. However, she decided to parent -- we cried, we dusted ourselves off, and we got back on our feet.

This last disappointment was much harder to take -- the anger didn't come from the fact that the birthmom chose to parent the child -- it came from the lies. And it's the fact, I think, that we held resentment, of any sort, for a birthmom, that has us putting the brakes on pure elation.

Still, this is a time for elation -- we're going to be parents. A birthmom in Delaware has chosen us -- a Cesarean section will be scheduled in mid-September. It's a boy. All signs point toward the fact that it will enter this world as a healthy boy. We're hoping to meet up with the birthmom within the next week or so -- and, obviously, we'll have more to say after that event takes place.

So, right now - continue your well wishes, your prayers, your finger crossings. They are all well appreciated. We'll post updates as we can - it's quite odd being in this position, where we just want to cry out in happiness, yet defense mechanisms are keeping us in check for right now.

Friday, August 14, 2009

What Happened This Time

Ok - this probably isn't the best venue for this, but I don't know any way around it . . . too many questions (of which I have the answer to about 2 of them).

Basically, it appears that the birthmother who chose us two months ago gave birth on July 12th, and then proceeded to lie to the adoption agency for a month. We were getting regular updates

  • On July 17 (5 days after the birth), we were told that the birthmother was going off of the drugs to keep her from going into premature labor.
  • While on vacation, we received notice that there was lots of movement, but no signs of labor yet.
  • On August 7, we were told that they would be inducing labor on August 13.
  • On August 12, we were told that the inducing was being rescheduled to August 15 and that the birthmother wanted us there at 6AM.
  • Today, we found out that all of this was a lie.

As I said in my status, I'm numb - utterly numb. I've lost some faith in humanity (or, at least, human decency). I've lost a LOT of faith in the adoption process (sure, this happened to us before -- but at least we knew everything in real-time).

In the past month, I've canceled a vacation. Duffy skipped her brother's graduation. We've kept from making plans, just in case the call came -- all of this we did willingly & happily -- the pay off was going to be worth it. Now, we find out that there was a month that we could have been "in the book".

I have no animosity for any birthmother who changes her mind -- but to change your mind and lie about that fact, and to build on top of that lie. As I said, I'm numb.

Strike Two

I am not sure how to begin because today has been so bizarre. Let's see....
On Wednesday we were told that she would be induced on Saturday. We were to hang tight until Friday when the agency would be talking to the birthmother again.
At two today, I called the Lancaster office and talked to M, one of the SWs there. She said she had just talked to K, the Pittsburgh SW, who was out of the office, but who should be back between 3 and 4 and would call me then.
Within the hour M was calling back. K could not find the birthmother. She wasn't answering the cell phone and her house phone had been disconnected. Not a good sign. Finally, K got in touch with the OB/GYN. The baby was born July 12. No, that is not a typo. July 12.
No one can fathom why she would lie about being pregnant for a whole month up to the point of saying she was going to be induced, and she wanted us there. We are all bemused about that.
I would have no hard feelings if she had just changed her mind. I would be disappointed, but I would understand. But to lie like this, I just don't understand. We could have been shown to other mothers for a whole month. I missed my brother's college graduation. John cancelled a week cycling trip. We put our lives on hold for a lie.
We went back into the profile book this evening.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Not Yet

If it comes to inducing, they have moved it to Saturday. We should hopefully have more of a game plan on Friday.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Update but not THE UPDATE

Hi Everyone, still no sign of labor! The doctor will induce on the 13th if the baby hasn't decided to start things himself. Our agency SWs have worked with the hospital SW, so we have a room for us and the baby. They give it the fancy name of nesting room. The plan is that we will be given care of the baby as soon as possible after birth. Seriously, so far this has been a wonderful situation with all parties involved. We feel well cared for and feel that the birthmom and baby are getting everything they need as well. Keep your eyes on the blog and facebook for the quickest updates.